Pro Sports Bashing Pro Wrestling
Pro Sports Bashing Pro Wrestling Week of 04/07/00-By ALLY McBEAL

Numerous voices are bitching and moaning about how racist, sexist, and homophobic the World Wrestling Federation is. They claim that it promotes violence, especially among the younger kids who imitate what they see on television. They also aren't too thrilled about kids having access to these wrestlers in the form of toys... especially that wacko Al Snow guy with the "severed head."

Okay folks... I got my bazooka loaded. Let's start off with this racist thing. How many racist comments have we heard from the likes of Marge Schott and Jimmy the Greek over the years? And let's not even get into that Sports Illustrated interview not too long ago with a certain menber of the Braves...

Wrestling is sexist?. Interesting. There are no women in the NBA, the NFL, the MLB, or the NHL and yet people have the balls to call wrestling sexist. If Chyna could hit better than Tony Gwynn, she STILL wouldn't get a contract. The only women I see participating in these programs are cheerleaders. Oh, and by the way... how many of these professional sports players cheat on their wives on a weekly basis?

Wrestling is homophobic? WRESTLERS ROLL AROUND WITH EACHOTHER HALF NAKED FOR A LIVING!!! If they were homophobic, they wouldn't even TOUCH eachother!!! And if wrestling fans were homophobic, they wouldn't WILLINGLY TURN ON THE TV AND WATCH MUSCULAR HALF NAKEN MEN ROLLING AROUND WITH EACHOTHER TWICE A WEEK!

Wrestling promotes violence? Oh yeah. Football and hockey players ramming into eachother and injuring eachother isn't violent. But at least it's real, right????? The fights in hockey sure are!!!

Let's try THIS on for size... two kids get into a fight in high school. One kid is a promising football player wearing an Eagles jersey. The other kid walks around wearing an Austin 3:16 T-Shirt. Who's more likely to get an Out-of-School Suspension (even if the kid in the Eagles jersey started the fight)?

By the way... Elmer Fudd shot Daffy Duck in the face at least 100 times over the course of Warner Brothers' entire cartoon catalog. Is that acceptable? The only guns I ever saw on Raw were super soakers and a toy gun Austin shot Vince in the head with (the one that revealed a "Bang 3:16" flag).

Lastly, let's take a look at wrestling toys. To be honest, sports toys are more positive in this instance... only because sports action figures don't spit tobacco, yank their balls, or go on strike if they don't make anything close to their sport's respective cap.

Meanwhile, the WWF toys everyone complains about are sold with angry wrestlers holding trash cans, ladders, mannequin heads (read: MANNEQUIN heads) and two-by-fours.

But it could be worse, folks... as a matter of fact, it is. The Darth Maul action figure down aisle 5 has a double-ended laser sword that can cut anything in half. You want your kid looking up to Darth Maul as a role model? The embodiment of pure evil? The Lucas-Arts equivalent of the second Anti-Christ?

Numerous other toys with zombies, disfigured human beings, and God-knows-what-else are sold to kids every day. These same toy stores sell M-rated videogames which are clearly not meant for kids. Yet Al Snow's figure, which carries a mannequin head, is sexist and violent and represents the very violence against women this country is trying so desperately to get rid of!!! Bullshit.

In closing I have four things to say... number one, the WWF is no more violent and sexist than any of the other shit the networks forcefeed down the throats of the populous on a day to day basis.

Number two, I can immediately think of one program shown opposite WWF Raw that rivals, if not surpasses, the WWF's level of racism, sexism, and homophobia on a regular basis... WCW Nitro. Third, I can think of a third show that airs opposite WWF Raw that takes men and makes them more pitiful, stupid-looking, cartoonish, self-depecating, and dull-witted than either Raw or Nitro... monday night football.

And finally, I can think of a fourth show that airs opposite WWF Raw that takes women and makes them more pitiful, stupid-looking, cartoonish, self-depecating, and dull-witted than either Raw or Nitro...