Al Snow's Campain Speech

Al Snow's Campaign Speech

by Scattia

     My fellow wrestlers, commentators and not forgetting the lowly backstage crew, I thank you all for coming here today to hear me tell you why I, Al Snow, should be chosen as the WWF Commissioner.

("Do you think we should tell him that we're only here cause it's lunchtime and this is the cafeteria?" whispers Jeff Hardy to his brother Matt)

     It takes a man of many talents to be Commissioner, and I feel that I am that man. I am of course a former European Champion as well as 3-time Hardcore Champion, not to mention being our former Commish's best friend. Now you all know much I love Mick, but lets face it he wasn't the best Commissioner this company's had, far from it in fact

("Right on, dude!!" cheer Edge and Christian).

What did he do to improve the WWF? Did he protect the hos?? Did he give everyone cake and candy every week??? Did he help the midgets???? NO!!!!!!

All he did is bring back the gorgeous Debra, something I and all the backstage crew who love her puppies were delighted with

(Jericho and Test struggle to hold back Stone Cold Steve Austin from Al, who doesn't notice anything's wrong), and use this gavel thingy which is by the way very cool and fun to play with (he repeatedly whacks it on the table until Kane snatches it out of his hands and breaks it in half) Hey, that was mine get your own!!!

Anyway, I will correct all the mistakes Foley has done!!

(Edge, Christian and Trish cheer)

I will right the many wrongs that have occurred!!!

(Another round of cheering from these 3)

I will bring back the midgets!!!!

(No-one cheers as everyone turns to each other and goes "huh??")

     Yes, you see I had a dream and in that dream there were midgets!! Hundred and hundreds of midgets!!!! Do you know what that means??

("That you ate cheese before going to bed?" someone calls out)

NO, it means midgets are going to take over the world!!! And that world includes the World Wrestling Federation!!!!

(Stephanie and Triple H discreetly signal for security to be called)

But they're not our enemies; they are our friends and equals, except height-wise of course. And how better then to show the world this then by having them on our shows!! Just think, there could be a Little Show and a tag-team called Too Small, not to mention the famous superstar "The Tiny One".

     But my appointment as Commissioner will not just be about midgets (everyone breathes a sigh of relief) - no, there will be more to it then just that! For a long time now, a lot of superstars have been screwed out of their title shots and championships by the McMahon family and their associates.

(People are either nodding in agreement or turning to their neighbours and saying "And???")

If I am elected Commissioner both I and my Deputy-Commissioner will stomp this out!!! We will fight the good fight!!!

("That's our catchphrase!" mutters Steven Richards)

We will make fair matches!! With Head as my Deputy-Commissioner, we will end this miscarriage of justice and make the WWF a fair place once again!!!!

(Under the cover of cheering, Lita asks Matt, "He does knows it's not real - right??" - Matt just shrugs)

     And so my fellow Head-Cheese fans, I urge you go to Mr McMahon and tell him you want Al Snow!!!! Let me be your representative and I promise there will be cake and candy for all!! Now all together now:




     (At this point security finally arrives and "escorts" Al from the building)