THE HEAD IS NO SNOW JOB
by Harry Burkett
Inside Wrestling Magazine October 1998
Al Snow scratched his head and sighed.His gaze fell upon the floor,then he raised his head again. "Listen you know I can't stand the silent treatment,"he muttered wearily "I know we've had our differences,but I want things to work out this time.You've helped me,and I like to think that I've helped you.You and me,together,we survived the chairs,tables,and barbed wire.Now you want to clam up.C'mon,let me see that smile..and those beautiful eyes."
The preceding scene-which occurred just prior to a recent WWF card-would have been quite heartwarming had Snow's elegant plea elicited any kind of response.Those"beautiful eyes"to which Snow referred though stared blankly into space.His companion's lips never opened to give him a reply.
The HEAD never said anything,it just sat there,upright,on the table directly in front of Snow. "Don't you do that to me!"screamed Snow,tugging his long,stringly hair."I could've left you in that department store window! This is how you repay me?!" That outburts did'nt get the HEAD's attention,but several wrestlers in the backstage area seemed irritated by the distration.Rocky Maivia,who happened to be walking by at the time,cocked an eyebrow and said"The Rock"says to get a grip!"With that admonishment,Maivia slung a towel over his shoulder and continued toward the Nations dressing room.
Snow has created quite a locker room buzz durning his short time in the WWF,it's too bad that "goofball"and "sicko"are the terms most often heard.And these comments are often made by those who actually respect Snow as wrestler!
"Hey everyone in the sport knows how tough Al Snow is,"said Bradshaw."Hold for hold,he can compete with any wrestler in the world.But Al's really gone off the deep end since the last time he was in the WWF.Sure,he wrestled under other names and always acted kind of goofy,but he was a real guy underneath.Now he just sits and talks to that stupid HEAD every night.Sometimes I feel like smashin' that damn thing over his skull!it gives me the creeps."
Which raise an important question:Does Snow realize he's spooking other wrestlers? if so could this just be a ploy to psych out future opponents? "What?! I'm shocked that anyone has the gall to insinuate that Al Snow and the HEAD don't feel genuine affection for each other!" exclamed Jerry Lawler."No wonder those two have so many problems.Too many busybodies are asking silly questions and trying to come between Al and his best friend.Relationships are difficult enough these days without that kind of interference!"
Admit Lawler to the WWF's insanity ward.It is widely believed that "The King"has already enticed Snow with the possibility of helping him gain a long-term contract in the federation,and humors Snows eccentricities to maintain his loyalty.
Or is this all simply a clever ruse designed by Snow and Lawler,with an objective that is still unknown? Cases like these call for professional opinions.When it comes to Al Snow,INSIDE WRESTLING'S psychological consultant,Dr.Sidney M.Basil(note from webmaster:this guy again?)has a thick file that's growing thicker by the day.
Dr.Basil recently watched several videotapes of Snow that included highlights from his WWF and ECW tenures.He paid particular attention to recent interviews that involed both Snow and the HEAD.Upon that review,Dr Basil came to some interesting conclusions.
"While one can argue that Mr.Snow has suffered from an identity crisis for several years now,his current neuroses did not truly surface until he entered Extreme Championship Wrestling last year."commented Dr.Basil."That is when he began conversing with a mannequin head.Then something else begin to change.He begin fulfilling his athletic potential.
Apparently,Mr.Snow has taken his self-doubts and all his feelings of inadequacy and concentrated them upon an inanimate object,a phenomenon known as transference.This way,he can purge himself of all the negative emotions and bad experiences that were inhibiting his ring performance.yet he can still remain connected to those thoughts via the HEAD.The advice from the HEAD is actually warnings from himself,perventing him from repeating past mistakes.In essence,he is looking into a mirror,trying to find answers with himself.That is why the phrase"Help Me,"which is writen backward on Mr.Snow's forehead,has such metaphorical significance."
Unfortunately,Snow refused to sit down with Dr.Brasil and discuss these issues,although he was quite willing to comment on the psychologist's analysis."The HEAD does remind me of past mistakes and explains how I can avoid making them again,"he admitted."And,yes,The HEAD does assist me with strategy.The HEAD even tells me whick chicks i should ask out(webmaster note:uh??)what I should eat for lunch,and whether I should watch Leno or Letterman,isn't that right,HEAD?"
As usual,it was impossible to discern any emotion from the HEAD's indifferent countenance.It stared back at Snow,opting to remain silent on the matter.
But snow continued to stare intently at it.Perhaps he was looking at his own reflection